Wouldn't it be great if we could go back and educate our younger selves on what to do and be just so we would be better prepared as to what was coming. Beth at Not a Bow in Sight had this brilliant idea to write a letter to our 20 year old self. At first, I thought this would be a fun thing to do, but I have to say it has been a very thought provoking and somewhat painful letter to write. In fact, I only am going to post about half of what I wrote because, as much as I love you all, somethings are just between me, myself, and God. If you blog, I encourage you to try this yourself and link up to Beth's site. Here is my letter...
Hey, chick! It's you writing, just 15 years older and 15 pounds heavier. Things have changed quite a bit. You have have to dye your hair blond now. It's not naturally that color anymore and it's even getting a little grey. Your eyes are starting to show a few lines and well, enjoy these days while you can eat anything and not gain a pound. That's going to change, too.
I thought I might write and give you few pointers for the next few years. I know you are planning a wedding and will marry in the spring, but if you could put down the planning book and lend me your ear for a moment, there is much we need to discuss.
First, you are way to concerned about how you look and how the opposite sex sees you. You are not defined as to how much attention you receive (or in our case) don't receive from men. God has given you an amazing man that you will be marrying soon. HE thinks and will continue to think you are the most beautiful woman who walks the face of the earth. Start believing him now. Let that be enough.
Secondly, stop trying to be other people. Stop copying others and be who God made and wants you to be. He wants us to be unique and different for a reason or we would have all be created to look and think the same. Celebrate your different-ness. Thrive in your own gifts and ideas and don't worry about whether or not you fit in. All that matters is that you live a genuine and transparent life that glorifies God. THAT is what draws people to you.
Third, it's OK to be emotional. It does not mean you are weak. It does not make you fragile. It means you are human. Go with it.
Let's talk about singing for a minute. When you are standing in front of a microphone, get over yourself. I don't say that to be harsh, but you are truly wasting time trying to entertain. Not that there is anything wrong with entertaining, but you will soon find it to be unfulfilling. Remember who gave you this talent and spend your time learning how to give it back. Granted, the compliments given to an entertainer are nice, but at best, short-lived. The blessings given to a worshipper, however, are eternal.
Speaking of worshipping, live and breathe every moment for Jesus. Talk to Him constantly. He is your Best Friend, your Love, your Hope. Don't wait until you are in your 30's to read His Love Letter to you. You will miss out on so much. Start now and commit to doing it everyday.
Your doctor will be right when she told you that you would have problems getting pregnant. Don't freak out over this. You will be frustrated and will be become more familiar with a basal body temperature chart than you ever would have imagined. You will take fertility drugs and you will have a two precious boys (and praise God, not at the same time). Then God will intervene and there will be a nuclear-surprise, natural pregnancy in which will result in a angelic little girl.
Let me stop here and say your pregnancies are going to be VERY hard on your body and your body will in turn try to "expel" your babies way before their due dates. TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. DON'T be up and about when you are supposed to be on bed rest. Don't feel guilty, pre-term labor is not your fault. DON'T let inexperienced nurses give you catheters.
That being said, do adore the miracle tininess of your preemies. They grow so quickly. Do enjoy the bumps and thumps they give you while in your belly. Every time you get a stomach gurgle for the rest of your life, for a split second, you will put your hand to your belly and think there is a baby still there. Just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Your kids will be the light of your life.
Just a couple more things, then you can get back to your wedding planning.
Love and appreciate your friends. They will be vessels from God in your times of need and rejoicing. Return the favor to them.
Get a good camera and learn how to take good pictures BEFORE the kids come. (Ya know those three years we talked about you trying to get pregnant - That's a great time!)
And lastly, God is going to ask you to homeschool your kids. No seriously, He is. Stop laughing. I mean it. Save yourself a week of sleep and don't fight it. It's useless. You're going to do it and you will even like it (sometimes).
So that's about it. I could say more, but you need to go through some stuff to get to where I am now. It's going to be OK. You will come out for the better, I promise.
Your loving self,